NSW Nordic Ski Club

Ted Winter

Ted Winter, 1991

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To me there's magic in the word,
Be it scats, poo, crap or turd.
Droppings, excrement, its bit,
No 1, business, excreta, shit.

Many friends and most relations.
Say I have anal fixations,
For as sure as my name's Harry.
At every turd I'll stop and tarry.

Many a turd I've pulled apart,
To fathom the turder's eating art.
Bones, fur, feather have had a massage,
Passing through the intestinal passage.

Scats, crap, turd all send me hopping,
Faeces, poo, doings, any dropping.
I've been known to cause a riot,
When l declare what's in the diet.

It, might seem strange but I admit,
I do enjoy a darn good shit.
Oh! No, No, not with me the doer,
But with some animal the pooer.

The wombat is a tidy beast,
When comes the time to pass a feast,
Some rock or stick he does find,
O'er which to elevate his behind.

I'm, sure he thinks, "That's been fun,"
Stands back and views what he's done.
Then says, "Only l can do
A wombat turd, a wombat poo. "

A fox is broad in eating habit,
If it moves, he'll pounce and grab it.
Grasshopper, beetle, rat or berry,
Lizard, rabbit, crayfish, wild cherry.

A bush rat Can be main course,
Decomposed lizard a delicate sauce,
Dead bird, beetle, fifty hoppers.
Frog, blowfly, all passed his choppers.

Can you tell wallaby from 'roo?
There's marked difference in their poo.
I'm sure it gives both satisfaction,
But wallaby, depends on liquefaction.

The 'roo does mini-bun after mini- bun,
The wallaby is denied such fun.
The 'roo he does proper scats,
The wallaby is nearer "S-s-platz!"

The rabbit, pellets drops at will.
But oft upon a small dung hill.

Now there's a word I've omitted,
Dung is what the rabbit shitted.
It's like currents, freshly done,
LIghtens to sultanas in the sun.
With a handful you could make,
WIth flour and water, a Johnnie Cake.

Handed possum turd to a mate,
He asked, "Seed of a date?"
"No", I said, "Black jelly bean."
He pulled the worst face I have seen.

The emu turd is round and flat,
Big enough to be a hat.
When upon the ground it hits,
You would say, "He's got the shits."

What he's eaten you would know,
As the ingredients clearly show.
Italians, they all get crooked
If I say it''s a pizza, over-cooked-ed.
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